Truth! What the hell is it?
A long time ago someone asked me what my truth was. I thought, “what the hell is it? What are you talking about?”
So I went on a journey to discover exactly what that was. How did I start? By examining exactly what I believed. By realizing that where I was in my life was not where I wanted to be.
That was the first step in realizing that I was not following my truth, my inner compass or guide. So how did I change it?
I questioned everything in every aspect of my life. I challenged it and then I realized that I would automatically respond to someone or a situation.
I checked in on my emotions and realized that when I am uncomfortable, afraid or angry, there is something not quite right or aligned inside of me. It is at these junctions that I ask myself what it is that I am not seeing or sensing in the situation.
How can I change this? Is this something that I need to believe in or is it something that I can release?
This does not have to be hard. It does have to be something you wish to attain. I had recently heard that when a a belief that is ingrained in your comes up, you need to ask yourself if it really yours or does it belong to someone else? I do realize that some of my beliefs are not mine; they are in place from someone else. I continually examine those to see if it fits in with whom I am or who I want to become.
Being honest with myself allows others around me to feel completely safe to reveal who they truly are. It is great to be around others who will challenge you, support you and uplift you and to become the most powerful person you are meant to be. If these are not the people in your community, it is time to find a new community. It is important to surround yourself with loving, energetic and like minded people. As you follow the journey and embrace yourself in your truth, your community will be there when you slip and fall. You may wonder to yourself if it isn’t easier to follow the road well traveled – the one when being a robot is completely accepted. Will your community stand by you?
During this journey, I have made some amazing friends. I’ve learned about what it means for me to be spiritual and the experiences are one of a kind. Some people have come into my life for an hour, a day, months, years and a lifetime. It is with this understanding that when a friendship distances for no other reason than each of us is on a different path then I am grateful for the time spent and the wisdom gained. Someone recently said to me that I have lots of real friends. I had to stop and think about it. I realized that “yes I do!” I have great friends throughout the world and for that I am so grateful. Even more interesting is someone had to bring it to my attention. Sometimes there are things that are so glaringly obvious to others but for some reason not to us. Usually those are part of our gifts, our specialty.
Take each day with the curiosity of a child, the passion of being loved, the excitement of riding your very first roller coaster and the daily time to get to know yourself and what your truth really means to you.
I started my business expecting congratulatory high fives.
What I got was a lot of other people’s issues. Of course I can stand back and say that now, but when I was in the midst of being grilled about money and my business, I will be the first to say it sucked. The common question was “how can you make money doing that?” (Big attitude behind the question).
“Why would they want to pay you?” The support was null and void. I was on the defensive trying to answer these questions. Quite frankly, it doesn’t matter what responses you give. The same questions will keep coming.
Who the heck needs that? Definitely not me. One thing I learned and would love to pass on to you is, stop trying to defend yourself, especially when you are just going round and round..it is time to stop the nonsense. You are wasting precious energy trying to explain what you are doing to someone who is so set in their thoughts and beliefs that if it doesn’t pertain to a 9-5 job with benefits, then you are wasting your time.
When I started “It’s All About YES” four years after starting my own business, the questions rolled in again. Why are you doing this? How do you get paid? What do you mean you are not making money from this?
Seriously, are we back to this? AGAIN? I was doing this group for my own reasons – why should it matter to someone else? The logical answer is NO but for some reason it is still an issue. The point here is that it’s their issue not mine. I have nothing to prove to them.
If you are being asked these pointless questions just don’t sweat it – continue on your journey. Maybe it would make them feel better if you drove a luxury car or lived on snob hill, but then there will be something else for them to complain about it.
It is YOUR life – say yes to you!
Tricia Dycka is an entrepreneur, life enthusiast, author, intuitive, funny, very candid, great listener. Takes the path less traveled. Living in the moment. Enjoys massive amounts of chocolate and coffee. A supportive friend who is there for you when everyone else has abandoned you and thinks you have lost your mind. Encourages entrepreneurs to embrace themselves so they can create an environment that supports their dreams.
When I started my own business, I did not have a clue. NADA!!!
The excitement that I had rushing through my veins was being tested because I was being told to “get a real job” or “stop playing at business” or “who do YOU think you are?” or even worse – zero acknowledgement. At this point, I was wondering what a real job was anyway. There is no loyalty or security nowadays at a “real job”.
To make matters worse, I was putting on a face to the rest of the world that everything was great.
I was burning the candle at both ends while I was trying to figure out what I was doing and defending my business to others. During all of this, I was too embarrassed to ask for help. I mistakenly believed I could do it all myself. HA.
Have you ever had an acquaintance ask you “how is your business going?” and you find yourself telling them that everything is great – yet clients are lacking and you are stressing over where you are going? What you are doing and why? Do you feel like crap because your family members do not even acknowledge that you have a business? They think it is just a hobby. With supporters like these, you don’t need to worry about having enemies.
This is what I was encountering and more. Websites, list building, social media, marketing my message alongside of having limited funds soon all started to grate on my nerves. I have learned a lot since all of this took place.
What happens when the mind chatter starts and has you doubting yourself?
This has happened to me too many times to count. All day I would chase my tail and then question if I was going in the right direction. Was I taking the right steps in getting my business to move forward? A great way to stop this useless mind chatter is to focus on the project you started. Even if you realize that you are not going in the right direction, you may just need a minor course adjustment. When I started my own business, I was a financial representative. I hated it but I tried it and learned it wasn’t for me. Next….
The following is something I wish I had know when I started my business. You can’t do it all alone. Reach out and ask for help.
First and foremost, make sure you have supporters who will empower, inspire and motivate you as well as challenge you. The best thing that I did back then was get involved in a group program – the people I met were invaluable to me. They helped me back up when I stumbled and I had a place to ask questions when I needed information.
Find a coach to help you navigate the waters of your new business. Make sure you start to build a community for yourself as you start to grow and feel the resistance of those around you. Have people behind you cheering you on.
Listen to others when they are speaking to you. Nothing brings us back to the moment and engages us in life like listening.
Push past your boundaries. Get uncomfortable and be okay with it. What makes you uncomfortable? Meeting new people? Then challenge yourself to meet someone new every week. A great place to do that is on Twitter or Facebook. Do not judge yourself because you are afraid or feel you should have everything under control.
Take baby steps to change the situation. Be powerful and enjoy yourself, while ignoring the mind chatter and the comments from others. Be determined, passionate and driven towards your dreams while keeping open communication with those closest to you.
Have you caught yourself falling down the rabbit hole? Where everything has gone to crap – yet somehow you have to find the strength to continue moving forward? When you feel like hiding under the covers is the best course of action?
How many times have you caught yourself asking “can this get any worse?”
My best advice to you is to get off the hamster wheel in your head and take some serious time to figure out what will help you out in this moment.
My mom had a heart attack last summer. I got the call and went into crazy mode – just running with no real direction. I needed to get to the hospital. Once there, I waited to see what was going on. It is the waiting part that I am not good at. I do not have the patience for it.
After that, I knew what the priority was and thank god for the support network that I had. I asked for help in several circles and it was there so that I could move forward.
How do you handle life when the proverbial s**t hits the fan?
1- Stop the mind torture. Whatever it is that is falling to crap in your life right now, is it worth torturing yourself?
2- If it is that important, what can you do right now in this moment that will change the situation or your reaction to it?
3- How can you keep your business moving while dealing with your issues? Having people close to you that can step in is a huge relief so that things will continue moving while you might be losing your mind.
4- Allow your emotions to be there. Are you feeling anger, sadness, fear, uncertainty? Rejecting or resisting will only magnify the situation.
5- Time to allow you to heal and take care of yourself. That is self love to its fullest extent.
While we were living in Florida, I was working my fingers to the bone. Money was dwindling, business was….well, I can say it was just a hobby. Although at the time, I felt that I was in business. I had no clients and was going backwards in a lot of ways. Yet I was convincing myself that everything would work out because I was doing what I wanted.
Slam on the brakes. I just couldn’t do it anymore. The bills were piling up and the hubby thought I had lost my mind. Had I?
I was convinced that I was going to make it big and it would happen immediately. At least that is what I was seeing from the internet. In the real world, I did not have any clients and the group program I had just rolled out brought me no sign ups. Well, what the hell was I doing wrong? I was following the brightest and best in the industry. If they could do it, why was it not working for me?
For starters, I was doing something that I felt completely inadequate even doing on the advice of one of the up and coming super stars. When the program I was involved with was over, I was completely disillusioned and on the path toward a complete breakdown. I was scrounging to come up with the money for her monthly program and trying really hard to get ONE client.
My hubby wanted me to get a job. While looking and sending out resumes, nothing was coming in - not even a response to my job search.
I thought that this will work out IF I could get my first client. IF IF IF IF!!!! IF was not happening, it brought me up short and at the crossroads of a huge breakdown. You know the one – where you are completely hysterical and you feel the world is ending. Where there is a big L on your forehead (LOSER).
I hated myself, the program and anyone that crossed my path. I was at a really low point in my life. Of course, accepting responsibility and understanding that by following an idea from someone else who thought that it was good for me was really not a great idea. Of course, this was something that I needed to come to grips with.
I hit the floor screaming, ranting and raving at God, the universe and life in general. I was absolutely DONE! I had nothing left to give – even to myself. It was probably one of the lowest points in my life. I was very disappointed as I watched others achieve and I was just sitting on my hands getting absolutely nothing accomplished.
My experience led me to understand how I can move forward and accept that it didn’t work out. I realized that I was not doing what I was meant to and watching others succeed led to getting stuck in a comparison trap. This is no way to move forward.
Breakdowns actually cleared away for me what did not work. Made me question the path I was on and answer the question will lead me to the life I want to be living.
Breakdowns do equal breakTHROUGH. It was not my first and probably not my last.
If you are in the midst of a breakdown, allow it to just be. When you come through it, the opportunities will open up. It clears away what is not working, shows you the path to take next and brings forth the people who are meant to walk it with you.
If you are looking to gain acceptance from others, especially those who do not want you to succeed, what do you think will happen?
They will attempt to tear you down so that you will remain at their level. Create your own environment where others will promote your success and share your wins.
You are an entrepreneur. Ninety percent of entrepreneurs, if not more, work from home. This is not a hobby for us, we are professionals. We look to share our experiences and express ourselves with our friends and family. Some of whom do not have any idea what it takes to be an entrepreneur. We seek acceptance, understanding, and an occasional pat on the back of recognition.
Here it is: first and foremost, we need to offer ourselves acceptance, understanding and recognition. We all have friends that we have had for years and because we are changing and evolving towards something bigger, that changes the status quo and is totally unacceptable to them. Hence the nasty comments. You think to yourself… is this a joke? I have known this person for years and here they are tearing me down. Telling me I am crazy and asking who do I think I am? Not to mention that some of us may have family members doing this to us as well.
This becomes a choice. Stay the same so that everyone but you remains happy or continue on the path to creating the lifestyle you want and having your business fit into that. Then comes the distancing of these people who want you as you were. It may hurt and you may be disillusioned for a while however it does resolve itself. Either these people see the changes in you and want to know more or the relationship starts to fizzle.
Deal with all of the uncertainty and fear from moment to moment. Do NOT resist those feelings, the more you resist them, the more dynamic they become. Another point I would like to share is this: people who come at you with things that upset them are reflecting THEIR issues not yours. You can choose to remain in the eye of the storm and watch the havoc around you or you can jump right in and keep the drama alive. Me – I’d rather stand in the eye and watch. Do not call everyone you know to discuss it. Call someone you trust, vent and then hang up. Let it go. Holding onto it just keeps it alive.
Your next step is to reach out to other entrepreneurs and create your environment where others want to be involved and understand all that you have been through and all that you are looking to accomplish. As entrepreneurs, we want to share our gifts with others to change the world, making it a better place for all of us to be. Our gifts are our strengths that help others on their journey. Whatever those may be: marketing, coaching, PR, web sites, painting, clothing design, etc.
When I first decided to become an entrepreneur, friends and family alike were incredulous saying, “well, I hope you can do it”. The best part was they did not even understand what I was doing. What a great vote of confidence. I have been hurt and disillusioned by friends and family alike. I understand that these people may or may not change – this is how they are from their own experiences. So I choose to create an environment for myself where I can share my successes as well as my frustrations with others and have support. My environment will constantly be evolving as I do and that is okay.
I am a success, I want to share all that I have learned and I love what I do. If people do not understand, that’s okay. I have a wonderful husband, family and friends who support me and love me for who I am, not someone they think I should be. Please be authentic with yourself.
You need to understand that it is a process – we all go through it. Some more then others. You are a success and there is a lesson in all of our challenges preparing us for what comes next.
I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt
How many times do you catch yourself chasing your tail?
Running after all the loose ends or new ideas without ever finishing what is in front of you. Do you tell yourself that it is better to get up and go finish the dishes or run out and do an errand while your business projects sit and wait gathering dust?
Let me be the first to tell you – it happens. The one thing I have noticed is that I start to make excuses in the guise of what needs to be taken care of or what is more important than the project on my desk. I have actually found myself leaving my desk to do something that I deem so important but then I catch myself and sit back down.
Shiny object syndrome is when you are always looking for something else to catch your attention because what is in front of you does not. Or could it be just an excuse to not share whatever you are doing with the world?
I have worked on projects and workshops yet find myself in mid stream just finding ways to procrastinate. Which is exactly what happens – postponing the inevitable. You have a deadline to complete the project while you are making attempts to distract yourself with other “busy” work.
The next excuse is to put it aside because you are being inundated with all kinds of amazing offers of how to work faster, better, and to create better time management. If you could do this then of course everything will be so much easier. Do these programs work? Of course, some definitely do. It is a matter of implementing and sticking to it. Ask yourself – do you really need it?
Self sabotage comes in all forms. Ways to convince ourselves to leave what we are doing because something else needs to be done that is more important. Start to ask yourself – what are you really hiding from? Usually it comes down to fear. Fear of rejection, fear of the unknown – putting your most personal work out there for all to see and potentially criticize.
But what if you reach someone and they love it? You change their world because of your work.
How many times are you left holding the bag – waiting patiently for somebody else to do their part in a function, project or just meeting you some place? You realize that as you are holding that bag that they have flaked out on you.
In your personal life, it is annoying. It’s hard to deal with that person when they finally contact with you and say “oops, I forgot or something came up.” Sometimes, it is a legitimate excuse and other times it becomes redundant and tiresome. It’s time for you to make up your mind and decide if you want to continue making plans with that person. Being left at a restaurant or maybe the movies waiting by yourself is NOT the thing you want to do.
Now let’s bring it to a new level. In your business, you will make decisions based on other people participating in a project that you see happening down the road. It might be a telesummit, webinar, joint venture or some kind of new program. You put your feelers out to several people that you think might be a good fit. They respond positively at first. They would love to be involved.
You get the ball rolling with all of the pieces in place and the next thing you know, you come to a screeching halt.
It could be for several reasons that you may not have an inkling about. It could be issues in their personal life or maybe they said yes and then realized what a huge undertaking it was. Has this ever happened to me? Absolutely!!!
What did I do? What I experienced was the emotional response first. The anger, the frustration, how could I have possibly missed the signs, and then the scrambling to get the project back on track. In the beginning, I was so thrilled that people were saying yes to get involved in projects, just as thrilled as I was to say yes to things without actually thinking it all the way through.
Even if people disappear on you at the last minute, the old adage remains – the show must go on. Make sure you have an alternative in your mind of how can you proceed if a person that you are counting on doesn’t show up.
The other thing I find myself doing is writing down my thoughts about the project. What kind of people and participation levels do I want? Some projects are more involved than others. As I put my feelers out, I listen to my intuition about whether or not the other person will be a good fit. I have come to understand that when I ignore that little voice it can prove quite frustrating and leaves me feeling like I am battling uphill to get things accomplished.
The group “It’s All About Yes” originally started out as a telesummit and then progressed to a monthly ezine. So the thoughts about the group and the participation levels have grown tremendously.
I have also said YES without thinking it through. It happened to me a year ago. I got a phone call with a great proposition – a speaking engagement in NYC. I immediately said yes even after hearing what was involved and what kind of participation level would be expected of me. The man who asked me to be involved told me to think about it and get back to him within two days. I hung up thinking that I didn’t need to think about it. Well, as the two days came I realized what other commitments were in the pipeline and I had clarity enough to be honest and say NO. I would not be able to give the project the attention it needed and absolutely deserved.
Lesson learned. So now whenever I ask people to become part of my project, I ask them to think it through. Are you truly willing and ready to participate in making a commitment to join in the ventures that I am offering? If it is a project that someone really believes in, they will find the time.
Do not jump on the band wagon without thinking and feeling (yes feeling!) if this is truly something you want to be involved in. Ask yourself, why do I want to become involved? What will I discover? Do I want to commit and do I have the time?
Have you ever done something and thought, “oh crap, that was not my brightest move?”
Just recently I was at the beach and had heels on. Well, I decided I was getting out of the car and walking down to the water’s edge. Every step I took, I sank into the sand. I was cracking up at myself thinking that people probably think I am nuts but I was having fun. When I got home I took the shoes off and wiped off the sand.
Easy right? Then why do we constantly beat ourselves up for every little thing we do that we perceive as not our brightest move?
I was wondering how I can share this experience because it seems so relevant in all that we do. What could this possibly mean… DUH!!! With all the abuse we do to ourselves from listening to that voice that so loves to put us down, why can’t we just wipe it away like the shoe? Why not? What is funny is that if a friend treated us the way we treat ourselves, we would walk away. At least I know I would.
I have wondered why I beat myself up so much. It is a learned habit and something that we can notice and let it go – without acting on it or believing it. It has been seven years on my journey to figure this out. I still get caught up in the mind chatter where I believe I am not worthy of anything. I do catch myself and bring myself right back into the moment.
I was working on my business a long time ago and realized it was just a hobby because I had zero results. I was banging my head into the wall and I was so mean to myself. I was just starting out and I believed the hype that as long as you follow your passion – success is right around that corner. What I figured out was that right around the corner was a couple of years later.
It’s taken inspired action and listening to my higher self/the universe/god as well as learning to tune into my body and understand what it is saying to me. All of these plus my community had me moving forward and taking great leaps. As many great leaps as I took, there were quite a few falls and hard falls at that. Some had me doubting myself, my business and all I have been working for.
Sometimes it seemed that giving up was the only option – instead I would give myself a break and then forge ahead. This last time I stopped everything. I really thought that this was it and I couldn’t do it anymore. I started asking the questions and the more that I asked, I found that the more people were put into my path to show me the way. At the times where I was ready to give in completely and was utterly drained with nothing left to give anyone or myself is when I had the pivotal moment where my strength came through and the ability to slowly stand came back to me.
I learned that what I thought I was supposed to be doing was not even close. As I started to learn about myself, I realized that some of the gifts I had hidden – even from myself – were the gifts that I am to use to help others. Instead of embracing it, at first I thought I was going cuckoo for coco puffs.
How can I stand there to people that “yes I feel your pain in my body – oh and by the way, I sometimes talk to your deceased ones.” Well isn’t that just fun. It was not what I had anticipated for myself. I started to embrace it and learn all about energy. Sometimes I feel that I am a little out in left field but I will prevail and these other gifts will come forth.
People will either love me or leave me but as long as I love myself it doesn’t matter what others think. I say that now and I do realize that sometimes the fears come back. Fear of having nobody in my life, fear of rejection, fear of failure, and fear of being ridiculed and criticized – the list goes on.
The moral to the story is to take off the shoes and wipe away the sand. It was not my brightest move but what a motivating experience and I wanted to share it with you.
For years, my New Year’s resolution was to quit smoking. On New Year’s Day, I would wake up and light up. Oops!
Didn’t I just swear the night before I would never light up again? Apparently, it didn’t work and I kept smoking. Did I feel bad, guilt myself and tell myself over and over what a bad person I was? Heck yeah.
It got to the point that I just stopped making resolutions all together. I was tired of waking up the next morning and finding that healthy eating, exercising, or quitting smoking was not on my agenda. So I woke up with a lighter heart knowing that I had no consequences from the night before. The beating myself up stopped.
It was at this point where I realized that for me goals meant the same thing. It was all a load of crap. The more I tried to control the world around me by setting these goals, the more I would fail. Back then I was always forcing things to try and fit together so that I could meet my goals. Putting so much pressure on myself so that nothing flowed. It was like a 20 car pileup.
It felt like I was always on the losing side, never getting ahead. I found two things worked for me:
1. Knowing myself
2. For me, goals and resolutions just sucked at coming to terms with each other.
I learned that the more I accepted myself and all my little quirks, it was a whole lot easier to quit smoking and I have not picked up a cigarette in 3.5 years. I woke up and decided it was time. This was in the middle of August so there was no New Year Resolution for me. Same thing goes with exercising and eating healthier. I want to do it. No pressure, no nonsense. I feel good about me. What I want in life.
I have come to discover that I am a person who is not meant to make resolutions or have goals. I have things that I want to achieve in life and I am focused on getting it. Do not misunderstand – just because I may not have goals does not mean I will not accomplish what I am meant to.
This year, do what is best for you. If you know that making a resolution will make not work ask yourself, why not? Is it because you are not ready or are you hiding behind excuses and fears? Maybe you know that forcing yourself to do something will just not be in your best interest.
Moral of the story – when you are in love with who you are, you do not need goals and resolutions. You will do these things when you are meant to do them.